


Sins of the Past

by ohgoditsneph



Series: Fractured Memories [1]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types
Genre: Changelings, Death, Eberron (Setting), Eberron - Freeform, F/M, Gen, Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 14:10:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16265837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohgoditsneph/pseuds/ohgoditsneph
Summary: Before meeting with the rest of the party and pursuing the Silver Dragon Evelyn, the Changeling Rogue Ash and her lover, Nox, both worked as merchants in a traveling caravan throughout Thrane and Breland, with Ash collecting odds and ends from the Mournland. However, their next excursion into the Mournland would be their last when a massive aberration ambushes them and their hired mercenaries, setting a course that would change Ash forever.





	1. Chapter 1

              Ash and Nox both emerged from the inn in Vathirond, both in their desert dwelling forms. Their bodies both had dark complexions and freckles across their face; though Ash's body was more curvy, and Nox's was slender. As the sun broke through the horizon, they loaded up their small, horse-drawn cart with their merchant supplies. A tent, empty lockbox for their future earnings, and various crates and boxes that carried the goods they had either made or gathered over the course of the past six months. Overall a light load, as they were running low on supply, and had made it a point to hire mercenaries for another expedition into the Mournland.

              The Mournland was unforgiving. A massive scar on the continent of Khorvaire because of The Last War, the former country of Cyre may as well be its own plane. A massive, permanent fog lingers within its boundaries, allowing an occasional glimpse if one is patient enough. Parts of the ground turned to jagged glass, sure to cut one’s throat if they fall in just the wrong way. Mundane animals turned into vile aberrations, arcane energy eternally lingering, generating unusual storms and interfering with any magical spells or devices that might be cast by would be travelers, including any healing, making any excursion a very risky one.

              The most disturbing part of the Mournland though was not the mutated creatures or the unusual arcane storms, though; it was the constant sight of bodies. One could hardly walk 20 feet without encountering at least one. Most of them should have decomposed long ago, but the unusual and unnerving nature of the Mournland forbade it. They lay still, mummified by a force that was yet unknown, battered, broken, and twisted in unimaginable and horrible ways.

               Though they had both been to the Mournland numerous times to gather pieces of the past for would-be collectors and equipment that had been just as pristine as the day they were donned, Nox and Ash always developed a deep sense of dread and doom each time they had entered. It was that feeling and their extensive research that led them both to wait until they could hire capable mercenaries that could handle the unforgiving landscape and protect not just their goods, but themselves as well.

               As he helped Ash strap everything securely, Nox developed that very sense of dismay in the pit of his stomach. This… was unusual.  They were still a little way away from that massive gravesite, and generally neither had any issue until they stepped foot inside. He paused and stared down into the ground after making the last knot, closing his eyes and trying to shake the feeling off. Parts of his sleek black hair fell from his shoulders.

               Ash looked up from double-checking everything to see Nox almost buckling to the ground. She sensed something was very wrong. He didn’t slack off very often when they were preparing to travel, and she would yell some snide remark if he did, but…

               “Hey, Nox… what’s wrong?” Ash walked towards him, concerned.

               Nox didn’t respond right away. Whenever he himself had doubts, usually Ash’s voice alone would calm him down and swallow his fear. Not this time, though.

               “I…” He started. “I honestly don’t know. It feels as if we’re in the Mournland now, but… we’re not. I feel like if we were to go, that something terrible would happen.”

               Ash put her arm over Nox’s shoulder. She could easily feel the tension in his body for a moment, but once he was embraced, he started easing up a little, though he still did not advert his gaze.

               “Well I mean… we made it in once piece plenty of times before, and that was because we followed the advice of the mercenaries we hired, who have had years of experience of this. This trip won’t be any different. As long as we follow their lead, stick close together, and exercise caution, we’ll be just fine.”

               Ash planted a solid kiss on his cheek and nudged her head against his comfortingly.

               “Besides, we’ve already paid these mercenaries in advance for this job. It’s bad form to back out at the last second.”

               Nox finally looked up from the floor and looked at Ash’s freckled face. The pit in his stomach eased up gradually.

               “…Yeah, I guess you’re right. But… I have a favor to ask you.”

               “Yeah?”

               “If I do die…”

               “Oh, don’t be so dramatic Nox. You’re not going to die. We’ll be fine.”

               Nox shot a serious look at Ash. Though he could normally tolerate her snark at every turn, today was just not that day. Ash immediately stood stone-faced.

               “Ash, I need you to listen to me. If I die, I want you to bury me in the forest north of here, just beside Arthawn Keep... in the Thornwood. I want to rest among the many unique and amazing plants that we found there. I know this sounds ridiculous and that we may not ever have to worry about that… but I can’t shake this feeling. This sense of dread and doom.”

               Nox softened his look a bit. “More importantly, if something should happen to us on our journey, I want you and whoever might be left to run as far as you can. If I can’t stand, then I’ll just hold you back. I want you to be alive above all else. Even if I don’t get to be buried in that forest, I’ll die happy knowing that you’re safe.”

               Ash could immediately tell that he was serious. One of the things Nox did not joke about was his feelings that he had for Ash, at least when they had a moment to themselves.

               Ash nodded. “I will, Nox. And if it will make you feel better, we won’t go too far from the border. If we can’t find anything then… so be it.”

               Nox sighed in relief. “Thank you.”

               Ash closed in for a hug, figuring that Nox may have needed it. He happily accepted, wrapping his arms around her and squeezing tight.

               “I love you, Ash. I know it’s probably stupid, but… I guess I’m just very worried this time.”

               “I understand. I’ll… do what I can… if that happens.”

               Ash and Nox released their hug right as four figures started approaching. While their equipment varied greatly and gave away their roles, they nonetheless had a similar style, indicating that these were the mercenaries the changeling couple hired. A dwarven cleric, a human fighter, a half-orc barbarian, and a half-elf Ranger. Overall, the party looked to have quite a few years of experience under their belt. The fighter and barbarian alone had a scar on different parts of their face, and part of the half-orc’s tusk was missing. The dwarf and human both had small, grey streaks in their hair.

               It was clear that the dwarf was leading the charge. He carried himself highly, and his outfit was more elaborate than that of the others. His beard, as with all dwarves, covered two thirds of his face, and what little head hair he might have had was covered by a steel helmet.

               “Greetings, Sahi and Azad! I notice you two are ready ta go, yes?” He said, clearly referring to Ash and Nox, respectively.

               “Yeah, just about, Thomyr. Who might the rest of your friends be?” Ash asked.

               The human fighter stepped up first. An older man, with messy brown hair and a sizeable beard to match. The second tallest next to the half-orc. “Greetings. I am Nash. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

               The half-elf ranger bowed. The only female of their group, and the apparent youngest, she wore her white hair in a long braid, with hair ornaments threaded in some parts. Perched on her shoulder was a hawk. “I am Martel. I look forward to working with you.”

               Thomyr pointed to the Half-orc. He made no movements and was entirely stoic. He wore his hair in a single, long ponytail and a braided beard. “And this is Cresk! Don’ mind him too much, big guy’s pretty darn quiet. Known him 15 years and he speaks one or two words at a time. He speaks with his hammer instead.”

               Thomyr propped his Warhammer up onto his wide shoulder. “Well, then! Are we ready ta hit the road, lass?”

               Ash turned to look at Nox, reading his mannerisms and body language. He appeared nervous, but no longer taken in by fear. Nox turned his head to face Ash, nodding and giving the all clear to leave.

               “Let’s do this. Lead the way, guys.”

               Ash and Nox mounted their horses, heading eastward towards the unforgiving Mournland.

               As the group progressed onward through the day, they noticed a large cloud in the horizon, as if there was a distant storm. The cloud grew ever larger, and soon, it was made clear that this was the borderline between the mundane and the unknown; an entire wall made of mist and other unknown sources separating the group from the various dangers of the Mournland. The air grew windier, increasing amounts of sand and dust flew across the Brelish plains as they approached. A metallic odor wafted into the groups nostrils; a clear indicator that they had arrived.

               The group stopped just short of the border. The metallic smell was strong enough to where Ash could taste it. Even though it was a very mild day for this summer, Ash and Nox had both started to sweat from anxiety. Ash squeezed tightly on the reins of the horse, remaining completely still, trying to overcome the all-too-familiar feeling of dread and doom. Then, she felt a familiar hand grab onto hers.

               It was Nox. Ash could tell that he was just as nervous as she was, but he nonetheless leaned forward and held her hand in reassurance, giving her a warm smile; the same smile he gave whenever Ash had hangups about their next move.

               “Let’s trust them, okay?”

               “Y…Y-Yeah…”

               Ash nodded, and turned her head towards Thomyr. The dwarf turned around towards the rest of the party.

               “Allll-right, folks! We’re about to dive in to this accursed land. Let’s put up a post to gather at in case things get as sour as elven piss!.”

               Ash and Nox dismounted as they unloaded a large rod and planted it firmly, tying a large flag to the top. They approached the mercenaries with their armor and weapons donned and ready, guiding their horse carriage along.

               “Remember, magic healin’ don’t work too well in that there Mournlands! So if you become incapacitated, you’re basically dead.  Don’go no further than 20 feet apart from each other; last thing we need is a surprise from some damned beast. And make sure to keep vigilant! Understand?”

               Everyone nodded in agreement.

               “Sahi, Azad, are you two ready?”

               Ash and Nox looked at one another. Though they were both nervous about the journey, they were nonetheless sure that they were in good hands, at the least, and could potentially discover enough artifacts and equipment to bring back to sell.

               They both turned to the mercenaries.

               “We’re ready. Let’s get going.” Nox told Thomyr.

               “Right, then! Let’s go!”

               The group proceeded into the enormous mist. The weather went from dry and warm to a sauna that depressed and shook Ash and Nox to their core. Despite feeling a seemingly neverending sense of dread and horror, they pressed on, managing to keep up with the mercenary party.

               The mist seemed to last forever. The changeling duo could hardly see a thing; if it weren’t for Cresk’s massive stature and Thomyr’s advice to keep close, they would have for sure lost the group.

               After an hour and a half, the mist finally began dissipating, though Ash would have preferred to keep it around in favor of the sight she saw.

              Bones. Countless amounts of bones from well before the Day of Mourning. Even more disturbing were the many bodies, both of which made the terrain tough and nerve-wracking to step on. Every step produced a crack or a pop, indicating the breaking of various skeletons. The entire terrain was various nauseating shades of green, yellow, and brown, and the rotting odor grew more intense as they traversed further within. Ash slid her headband over her mouth, and Nox did the same with his emerald green scarf. They never could get used to the stench.

              Thunder boomed in the far horizon, with storm clouds in full view. Though the storm was well away from their location, Ash had no doubt that there was more of a risk of a living spell manifesting than was normal.

              “We need to be careful,” Ash warned. “There’s a storm in a distance.”

              “Understood. We’ll turn tail at the first sign of trouble. You need not worry.” Nash reassured her.

               After another five miles, they both took a look around. A set of ruins lie before the group; no doubt an old military keep. Thomyr and the rest of the mercenaries slowed their pace to a halt as the old dwarf turned to face Ash and Nox.

               “Was this here ruin what you were lookin’ for, lass?”

               “It was. Let’s make this quick.”

               The party proceeded into the ruins, leaving the horse cart arrived as a precaution. More dead bodies than was usual, their methods of death varied. Some got arrows to the chest or face, others had axes across their backs or were sliced in numerous pieces. Others were partially or entirely burned from what seemed to be fire or electrocution spells.

               “Check the bodies first. The less potential reliving that have things to kill us, the better. Martel, can you keep an eye on things until we’re done?”

               “I can.” Martel lifted her arm, gesturing her hawk to take flight.

               Slowly through the ruins, the group salvaged various weapons from the bodies. Most of them were busted beyond repair and therefore harmless, but occasionally there were some that seemed to have never been drawn. Though Ash was used to seeing corpses strewn about, she could never get used to the disgusting and unnatural ways they twisted and turned. She always made it a point to position them in a more natural manner once she was done salvaging.

               “I can never get over just how much… death there is…” Nox said, thumbing through the remains of a soldier, gathering some old coin. “I knew the history books gave us some idea, but… there’s a reason they don’t tell you everything, clearly.”

               “Yeah… makes me wonder just how the hell people can just fight a damn war for a century and not notice anything wrong with it.” Ash grumbled.

               “There ‘re lots’a reasons for it, lass,” Thomyr quipped “Lots a political nonsense will drive people to do horrible things, and some people are too damned stubborn to admit they’re wrong.”

               “Yeah, and millions fucking _died_ because of it. People wonder why I have trouble with authority so much. This is one of those reasons.”

               Gathering the last of what they could from the corpses, the group moved on to the interior of the keep. Barely any of the buildings were intact, and it seemed as if the constant gust of wind threatened to collapse what remained. Trudging through, and taking a quick look at each building, the party did not appear to find much. Until…

               Ash had to look twice. There was a chest that was still reasonably intact. It was beaten and worn from the years of erosion and exposure to this hellscape, but still seemed otherwise untouched.

               “Nox, I might have found what we needed!”

               “I see. Got a hotspot there lass?” Thomyr  asked her curiously.

               In spite of her mood, Ash’s eyes lit up. She brought out her thieves’ tools as the rest of the party stuck around as she began picking at the lock. Nox looked closely, fascinated that there was still anything useful here.

               “This should make us a pretty solid profit.”

               Ash squinted her eyes, being careful not to break her lockpicks. Finally, she heard the familiar and satisfying sound of a click.

               “There we go… now, let’s see what’s inside.”

               Nox looked over her shoulder as Ash threw the top open and gasped in excitement. Various jewelry, scrolls, and wands were inside, looking as pristine as the day they were laid there.

               “Holy shit. These are in basically perfect condition.” Ash said in amazement, going through the chest.

               “Right then. Let’s get going. We can identify them later.” Nox suggested, his voice in a very nervous tone. He was looking to get out of the Mournlands as soon as he could.

               Ash picked up the surprisingly light chest and brought it onto the cart. From the way their trip went, it seemed that Ash and Nox had more than enough; they did not foresee returning to the Mournland for a long time if they managed to make it back in once piece.

               Their mission accomplished, the party turned around to return to Breland. By now, the sky had turned from a pale yellow to a deeper brown. The storm was on its way here judging by the increasing volume of the thunder the shaking ground. The party made it a point to make haste towards the way they came.

               As they progressed onward, the rumbling in the ground grew in intensity, as did the brown clouds. Cresk paused, turning around.

               The rest of the party stopped as well, not wanting to be apart.

               “The hell ya doin’ big guy? We gotta get the hell outta here!”

               Cresk lowered his head and shook it in dismissal. “Cannot escape. Underground creature.”

               The entire party’s hairs raised. The feeling of dread that came upon them was overwhelming.

               “It figures, the moment we strike gold we encounter a damn monster who wants his fair share.” In spite of her shaken demeanor, Ash somehow managed to utter a snarky remark.

               Ash and Nox immediately positioned themselves to the back. They were both capable fighters, driving away bears and rogue highwaymen, but whatever was causing the ground to quake as it had been could easily make mince meat out of them. Nonetheless, they joined the mercenaries in brandishing their weapons just in case.

               The rumbling grew louder, and eventually the ground gave way, caving in and revealing a surprising sight: A giant mound of corpses emerged from the hole. Two massive claws helped dig its way out of the sand, better able to catch its prey. Under the massive mound of bodies lied a twisted, vile crab, looking just the type that would belong in the Mournland.

               Nash stood beside Cresk, the both of them acting as the first line of defense. Thomyr stood just behind Nox and Ash.

               “Don’ do anything too foolish, laddies. We’ll handle this guy.”

               Cresk was the first to charge the giant monstrosity with his Lucerne hammer. The massive weapon landed a crushing blow, pushing well past the pile of dead and breaking through the carapace. The crab cried out in anger, just missing the half-orc’s abdomen with its pincer.

               Nash rushed to strike one of its pincers with his greatsword, but as the blade made contact with the crab, an audible scraping could be heard. The greatsword was not as capable of busting through the unslightly mound. However, Nash continued his assault, blocking and just dodging its menacing appendages.

               Martel, using her hawk as a guide, managed to aim her sights in the bare parts of the crab, occasionally causing it to become distracted as the two melee fighters wore him down. Thomyr followed Cresk and Nash with his Warhammer in tow and took a great swing, the mighty weapon making contact with a bare side of the carapace and exposing its far softer interior.

               Nox aimed his bow at the crab, his hands shaking and unsteady.

               “What the hell are you doing? We both know we can’t kill that thing!” Ash shouted.

               “I’ve got to try, dammit!”

               Nox’s first couple of arrows bounced right off the various pieces of armor from the corpses that the crab had attached to itself. He uttered a curse under his breath, but persisted, not wanting to feel useless while most everyone else was risking their hide. It was then that Ash realized that this was the horrible feeling that he was getting earlier.

               As the battle progressed, the sky grew darker. It was soon made clear that the crab, despite its many wounds, was still not quite letting up, and neither was the weather. The wind strengthened, kicking up sand. Martel’s arrows could no longer find their mark, resulting in the horrifying creature gaining an advantage. The crab managed to finally grab hold of Nash despite his best efforts, and lifted him from the ground, as if he were a toy, clenching its deadly pincers.

               An audible cracking and popping were heard as Nash let out a terrifying scream. And then… nothing. Ash and Nox could barely see what had happened, but the sound of a man screaming for his life and then suddenly being silenced made them both sick to their stomach.

               A flurry of barbs came flying from the crab’s back. As the barbs made impact, they stabbed the ground with such force that they effectively buried themselves. Ash was frozen in fear as a few of the barbs came zooming towards her. She squeezed her eyes shut, anticipating death at any moment.

                _This is over_ , Ash thought. _Dammit all!_

               Death never came, though she did feel one of them pierce through her shoulder. She fell to her knees, clenching her wound and writhing in pain… but where did the other barbs land? They were dead set on her.

               And then, Ash heard her worst fear.

               Nox’s agonizing scream overwhelmed her ears. It sounded as if he was so close, and as soon as Ash opened her eyes, she found out why. Nox shielded her with his own body, his face clenched in extreme pain, taking the bulk of the barbs for himself instead.

               “Nox!! No… but… why?” Ash’s eyes welled up with tears, fearing the worst.

               Nox’s breathing became haggard and hollow. He coughed in pain, blood spilling from his mouth.

               “I… already told you that… I’d do anything to keep you safe… I’ll be fine…”

               Nox grabbed Ash’s hand, guiding the both of them back on their feet. He could stand fine, and looked to be able to escape, but was in no shape to fight anymore. Nox removed his scarf and quickly wrapped it tightly around Ash’s wound, despite his own injuries.

               “Dammit… you’re a moron…” Ash whispered.

               “There’s not… a lot of time… my scarf wouldn’t do much for me anyway… we can make it if we try.”

Thomyr and Cresk ran back to their location, seeing what had transpired.

               “Fuckin’ hell. C’mon! It’s time to go, while the big guy’s still weak!”

               “What about our cart?”

               “Fuck tha’ cart! We already lost Nash and almost lost ya! We can’t afford ta lose any more bodies. Now go!”

               Ash and Nox nodded, following the remaining party members in making a beeline towards the border despite their wounds–better to be alive and broke then dead in this accursed place. The crab began shambling towards them, crushing the cart and causing the horses to flee into the unknown. Whenever the crab starting growing closer, Martel shot a couple of arrows in its direction to prevent it from catching up.

               Eventually, it was made clear that the crab would not give up. Martel stood directly in front of the foul beast, aiming her sights and unmoving.

               “Martel!”

               “Our job is to make sure those two get out of here alive. Make sure that happens!” Martel shouted to Thomyr, focusing her aim. “I’ll be fine. Now leave!”

               The diminishing group pushed on, trying to ignore the sickening sound of screaming. It seemed that her plan worked as the crab’s silhouette faded into the horizon.

               Although the sandstorm made most of the landscape indistinguishable, there was still no mistaking the massive cloud of mist. For once, seeing the mist brought about a sense of relief for them all; they were at the finish line.

              They could no longer see the crab, and the sandstorm had started to die down. As they made their way to the border, Ash got a closer look at Nox. Four or five sizeable barbs made their way into his back, and his clothes were almost drenched in his blood.

              Ash’s face grew even more worried. She had to do something. She paused in front of Nox, pulling out a small potion bottle.

              “You were hurt… because of me… because I was too damn scared to move…” Ash said, struggling not to cry. She placed the potion bottle in his hand forcefully.

              “Just take it… I… I don’t need it.”

              “Don’t… be silly. Come on, we need to leave before—”

              Nox’s eyes shot open suddenly. Ash felt various objects whizzing just past her. She looked around quickly and her heart sunk. Multiple pools of blood had started forming on Nox’s chest and stomach.

              The Carcass Crab had unleashed another volley of barbs. Its visage had emerged in the horizon once more, determined to capture its prey once and for all.

              Nox collapsed to the ground, bleeding profusely. Ash fell to her knees, grabbing hold of him and shaking him.

              “N-Nox! No! Come on… get up! GET UP!” She screamed. Ash tried desperately to press on his wounds to stop the bleeding, but it was no use.

              “I… I can’t… anymore…” Nox’s vision became blurrier by the second. He struggled to breathe, much less talk. He fixed his gaze at Ash’s face, wanting her to be the last thing he saw.

              Ash noticed him struggling to keep going. His eyes slowly closing, but shooting back open, as if wanting to stay conscious for a little while longer. He leaned upwards as he had another coughing fit, this time a torrent of blood spilled out from his mouth.

              “Listen… to me… please. I need you to leave here. You’re far more important than anything… Remember what I said earlier… I can die happy… if I know you’ll be safe…”

              “DAMMIT NOX! I’m not fucking leaving you behind! Don’t be stupid! You can’t die… you just… you fucking can’t… we can save you… I know we can…!” Ash stared sobbing, pressing Nox’s head against her chest.

              “Don’t… waste anymore time on… me…” Nox told her quietly. “I’ll just… be a burden…”

              Nox closed his eyes for the final time. Feeling himself fading away into the darkness, he whispered one last thing.

              “Ash… I… I love you… I’ll always…”

              His body reverted to his natural changeling form as it went limp, confirming Ash’s worst nightmare. She sat, overwhelmed with anguish, and went fully catatonic. She couldn’t believe it… her body went completely cold, shaking her to the core, her stomach turning in unimaginable ways.

              Thomyr and Cresk approached her, Nox’s body still in her lap. The dwarf attempted to grab at Ash’s arm, pushing her to stand up and run, but she instinctively batted him away.

              “FUCK OFF! I’m not fucking leaving Nox behind!”

              “We can’t carry dead weight, lass! The Crab will kill us all if we do!”

              “I don’t give a shit!” Ash cried out, screaming. “I’m not fucking leaving him, I can’t fucking leave him behind like this!”

              As the party argued, the ground started rumbling once more, signifying the crab’s approach to finish the job.

              Wasting no time, Thomyr bear hugged Ash, dragging her off the ground. Ash screamed in his ear, trying to shove and beat him away and for a moment, she succeeded, collapsing back onto the ground, sobbing uncontrollably.

              After a moment, Ash felt herself being scooped up in one fell swoop and continued kicking and punching, but it was a fruitless effort, as the half-orc had a mighty grip on her. The last thing she remembered seeing as Nox’s body growing ever smaller, before her vision went black.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Nox's initial death, Ash's mind is on the verge of breaking. Having nothing to remember him by except for his scarf, Ash turns to the bottle to keep the dark thoughts at bay, to forget that she stalled him, that she stood and did nothing while Nox made a valiant effort to protect her. But after she runs out of coin and comes across a peculiar key, Ash realizes that... it doesn't have to be this bad.
> 
> She can just make the memory less traumatic.

Ash awoke from her deep slumber. It felt as if she had been asleep forever; her mind was in a very heavy fog. She reached her arm out to hug Nox, only to feel nothing, her arm collapsing to the mattress instead. Ash opened her eyes to see Thomyr and Cresk instead, sitting next to her. Although the window welcomed the bright morning sun and lightened the room, Ash’s mind remained darkened, starting to worry about where Nox was.

“Thank goodness you’re awake, lass.” Thormyr said with a sigh of relief.

Ash looked up to the dwarf. “Where… where is Nox…?”

Her voice was.. hoarse, her throat sore. As if she might have caught a cold.

“He’s dead. Don’ you remember?”

“Wha… what?”

“He died in your arms, struck by those accursed barbs of that damned crab. You would have died too if Cresk wasn’ built like a brick shithouse ‘ere. We basically had ta carry you back to safety. Thankfully you weren’t too seriously hurt.”

Ash quickly sat up and winced at the sudden sharp pain she felt on her shoulder. She looked to see what it was. A bloodied bandage wrap covered her shoulder and upper arm.

Ash held her face in her hands, the memories flashing before her eyes. Nox diving in the line of fire to protect her, and him collapsing on the ground after being struck once again, and then… and then…

“No… I… did we…”

Thomyr shook his head. “We couldn’t get his body outta there. I’m sorry, lass. Judging by your horrifyin’ screams, it seemed you two had somethin’ special… I never want to hear that again, let me tell ya.”

Ash’s heart felt as if it could sink to the bottom of the ocean. Her body trembled immensely. She replayed the horrible moment dozens of times in her head. If she hadn’t been so stupid, and had just continued forward… if she hadn’t frozen in fear… if she had even listened to him before they left…

“How could I have been so goddamn STUPID!” Ash screamed, lashing out all of her anger onto the stone wall. An audible crackle and crunch was made upon impact. Her already injured arm instinctively winced in pain, revealing a surprisingly large crater for the punch Ash had made. Her hand quickly became swollen and bruised, but Ash didn’t seem to register it at all.

“I should have just fucking listened to him… then he would have still been alive…” Ash sobbed, clenching her already injured fist. The grip was immense enough to draw blood from where her fingernails cut through her skin.

“There wasn’t much ya coulda done, lass,” Thomyr said, placing his hand in hers. Ash could feel an unusual amount of warmth emitting from it. When he released her hand, the bruising and swelling had disappeared just as quick as it arrived.

“The Mournland is very unpredictable. Literally anythin’ could happen in that there hellscape. Don’ beat yaself too much over it. Be thankful that he risked his hide to save yours. I don’ think he wanted you to grieve him forever.”

Ash sat stoically, refusing to hear a word he said. She continued running the events through her head endlessly, wishing as hard as she could that she could go backwards in time. All she wanted was to wake up to the morning before and simply agree to forgo to expedition when Nox raised his concerns.

“What should I… do then… What’s next? I’ve lost almost everything…”

Cresk turned to face Ash.

“Get up. One step forward. Then one more.”

Ash looked at the half-orc. She couldn’t really focus, but despite her fogged mind, he could tell that he seemed to be empathic and understanding, as if he had been through a similar event.

“Give Nox’s death the reverence it deserves, but don’t lie down and accept defeat. He wouldn’t want that.” Thomyr told her, digging through his bag. He pulled out a sizeable bag of coin, placing it on the nightstand.

“Since he died, we basically failed our job. Keep this. Oh, and here’s this, too. I cleaned it up neat and tidy fer ya. Figured it’d be something you’d want to keep, you know, to remember him by.”

Thomyr handed Ash Nox’s scarf, the same one that was used to quickly patch her up when she was injured. The moment she saw it placed in her lap, Ash burst into tears, hugging it close to her.

“He… died… because of me…”

Ash stood up from the bed. Her stature looked as if the weight of the world was on her, and she was simply too weak to bear it. She felt stiff and entirely devoid of any energy, and slumped over to her belongings, taking the returned coin bag with her.

Thomyr looked at her curiously.

“What will you do now, lass?”

Ash paused. What would she do? What could she do?

“I… I’m going back to Flamekeep. To tell his family. They… deserve to know.”

Ash had no intentions of telling them her true whereabouts; the fact of the matter was that Ash did not have the heart to tell Nox’s family of what had transpired, nor did she even intend to go back home to Flamekeep. Not that the facts mattered to her, anyway; as far as she was concerned now, they were mercenaries and nothing more.

Ash got dressed and gathered her things. Without saying another word, she exited the room, and left the inn, taking a lightning rail to Starilaskur to avoid being bothered any further.

For what seemed like forever, Ash felt as if she were in a constant haze. Speaking only if she needed to and spending her time exclusively at the inn and tavern. She remained constantly inebriated from the moment she stepped into the lightning rail, paying no mind to anyone around her, nor bothering to make herself known, and keeping a quiet corner to herself.

Every time she seemed to be coming back to reality, Ash would order more drink, keeping her mind fuzzy and developing a wall between herself and the rest of the world. Whenever the tavern would close, she would sneak a few drinks into her waterskin and took them into her room just before she welcomed the sweet embrace of sleep, wishing desperately that death would instead take its place.

Ash felt as if she should have died instead; she deserved it for not thinking to move away from the barbs and for stalling in order to get Nox to try and heal himself. She simply could not get the traumatic memory out of her mind; Nox dying in her arms, and being forced to leave him behind in a horrifying wasteland where death was only the beginning of one’s suffering.

The only time she had any comfort was when she went to sleep or blacked out from the copious amounts of alcohol she consumed, for when she was unconscious, she could find happy memories. The memories felt very real, and were the only things keeping her from ending her own life outright.

One memory in particular she remembered was when Ash decided to leave Flamekeep for better pastures and Nox asked her to wait a couple of weeks so that he can join her. She had an inkling that he just wanted to follow her, but he didn’t admit it until they had arrived at Sigilstar a few days after their journey started. Not only did Nox admit to wanting to follow her to whereever she wanted to go, but he also admitted his true feelings for Ash that night, and that he couldn’t bear to see her walk out of his life.

It was that night where they made love for the first time. Though it had been more than a year ago, Ash could still remember his warm and comforting embrace. By the end of that night, Ash realized that she also couldn’t stand to just leave him behind and wanted Nox by her side for the rest of their days.

But Nox could be at her side no longer, and she felt an immense amount of guilt because of it. She wondered that if she had loved him more, if she had changed her mind on going to the Mournland that morning, or if she had just moved out of the way, Nox would still be with her. He would be in bed with Ash now, telling her that it was okay that they didn’t resupply or that it was okay that things didn’t go as planned, and they would try again tomorrow.

Ash’s continuous drinking binge continued onward for a fortnight, until finally, coin ran dry. One morning, while Ash was desperately searching for any piece of coin to drown her sorrows with, she came upon a long, thin key. With what little clarity she had left, Ash remembered that this key led to Jeremy’s shop.

Jeremy was an old, wise kitsune. An eccentric but amusing fox, his life’s work has been collecting unique odds and ends of all kinds and was willing to work with buyers if they couldn’t afford his wares in the form of “terrible sacrifices.” From her limited understanding of the mysterious fox, Ash knew that he was able to fiddle with one’s memories, as he demonstrated with another client of his while she was in his shop.

Perhaps he could…? It was a longshot, but Ash wanted desperately to forget all about that horrible memory of the day that Nox had died. She was sane enough to realize that he would be dead even if Jeremy made it so that she was convinced otherwise, but nonetheless, she wanted the trauma of it all to simply go away, she wanted to at least believe she made an effort in trying to save him, instead of being forced to abandon him against her will.

Ash hurried, stuffing what she could into her backpack, and with the key in her hand, rushed to the door. She hurriedly stuck the key in and turned, opening the door.

This door did not lead to the inn, however; instead, it lead into Jeremy’s shop; the key being the trigger needed to access it. Jeremy was thumbing through his inventory and replacing some disheveled items when Ash walked in.

The curious fox looked up from his duties and noticed Ash’s pitiful state. It looked as if she hadn’t properly groomed in weeks. Her clothes were dirty, her frizzy hair from her desert-dwelling persona was everywhere in insane knots, and her face looked as if she hadn’t had a wink of good sleep. She looked absolutely hopeless.

“Jeremy is concerned,” He said, forgoing his welcome speech entirely. “Why does Sahi look so unsightly? And where is her friend, Azad?”

“Jeremy, he’s… he’s dead… and I killed him…” Ash collapsed onto the ground, starting to sob, her wounds opening up once again. She painstakingly described the events that transpired, not once looking up to look Jeremy in the eye.

Jeremy’s ears perked up when Ash first told him, surprised, but his expression transitioned from surprise to pity by the time Ash had finished.

“Jeremy is very sorry for your loss, Sahi. But we all must overcome the impossible. So what purpose does Sahi have for coming into Jeremy’s shop when she has no coin to spend nor items to sell?”

“I… I need you to… remove this horrible memory. I don’t care what you put in its place, as long as I can remember that I tried my damndest to save him and that I didn’t sit like a fucking log so he could become a pin cushion. I can’t… I can’t live like this. I know Nox will always be dead but I want to believe that I tried to save him and he didn’t die so needlessly.”

“So I see. Jeremy is willing to do this for Sahi, and since Jeremy pities her so much, he will do it without any terrible sacrifices. But Jeremy must know if Sahi is truly willing to do this.”

Ash nodded. If losing some memories meant that she could stop feeling hopeless and start living again, like Nox had wanted-- then so be it.

“Well, then.” Jeremy said. “Come on, get up. Jeremy can’t use his trusty needle if Sahi is on the ground like that.”

 

* * *

 

 

Ash and Kai trudged through the forest, a single horse carriage in tow. Within the cart lied a single item: A sizeable tombstone that looked to have been recently carved, and custom made. Kai was leading the horse as Ash navigated the thick woods. Soon, she came through a break in the foliage. A large opening lied in its wake, about 300 feet wide, with no trees in the way. In their place were many fauna, some that could only be found exclusively in this opening.

Nox and Ash had explored The Thornwood once before, when Nox was seeking some new plants to gather for his potion experiments. He was so fascinated with what he found and fell in love with what he saw so much that he insisted on making camp and spending the night under the stars and the canopy, although the Keep was well within walking distance. Ash had happily obliged him, spending all night talking to each other about everything under the sun. Nox casually mentioned that he wanted to be buried here if he were ever to die.

“Are you sure this is it, little sis?” Kai asked, confused. For a gravesite, the place looked almost entirely untouched. He looked much like a human peasant, though this too was just a mask to disguise his true changeling nature.

Ash nodded. “Yeah, this is it. It’s… been a little while since he was buried. I wasn’t able to afford a proper marker for him until now.”

“So I see… hey… I’m sorry that Nox died. He was really a brilliant guy, even if I did give him hell for dating you.” Kai said.

“It’s fine, Kai.” Ash said with a warm smile on her face. “At least I was able to bury him in the place he loved the most. I couldn’t save his life, but he can at least rest easy knowing he’s surrounded by the plantlife he admired so much.”

Ash and Kai grabbed one end of the tombstone each. It was pretty heavy, but the changeling siblings managed. They mounted it onto the center of the clearing, and pressed hard, securing it to the ground.

“So… that’s that, then.” Kai said. He looked towards Ash, still disguised as Sahi. “When do you plan to tell his family?”

“I… don’t know. I plan to tell them one day soon.” Ash said, with a hint of sadness in her voice.

“I see. Well, I guess we’re pretty much done here… do we need to do anything else?”

“You don’t, but… I would like some time... alone. You understand.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Kai said, walking away. “I won’t be far. Tell me when you’re done.”

Ash watched as Kai walked back into the thick of the forest. She sat down in front of Nox’s tomb, looking up at the sky. Though the many leaves of the forest obscured it still, there was still a fair amount of sky that was visible from the forest. The sun broke through the canopy, generating a sense of serenity within the clearing. Ash could hear many birds singing throughout the forest, and the gentle wind moving all the foliage. It was just as calm now as it was when she and Nox first discovered this place.

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to get you a proper marker before, Nox. I hope you’ll forgive me.” She said, reverting to her natural changeling state.

“I wish things could have been different but… I think… I’ll be okay, knowing that I tried. Knowing that you’re here where The Mournland can’t disturb you anymore. Knowing that you’re surrounded by the place you loved so much.”

Ash's voice cracked as tears beaded onto her eyes.

"I'll... I'll find a way... to bring you back. You never deserved this. But even if I never get to hold you again, I'll die happy knowing that you're where you always wanted to be."

After taking in her surroundings for a while, Ash stood up.

“But for now... I have to go, Nox. I’ll try to see you as much as I can, but… thank you… for this…”

Ash grabbed the emerald scarf he left behind for her and re-adjusted the knot she had placed on it.

“As long as I have this… I know you’ll be with me. I know you’ll always love me and keep me safe. Until we meet again.”

Ash walked back into the thick of the forest, following Kai and the horse cart.

“You ready to go, sis?”

“…Yeah. Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you ask, Jeremy is an NPC that was adopted from a Reddit thread on /r/DnDBehindTheScreen... so if he sounds familiar, that's why :)


End file.
